(Before you go ahead, be warned. Any connection with real life working scenarios in any organisation in any country on any planet is purely coincidental (HA!!!) and not a result of the author sharing his expertise with upper management of said organisation.)
So here we go...
4P's of marketing
They no longer the P's of marketing. They're probably the F's of the other departments that end with Marketing and marketing tries to mystify it.
Brand
Any logo/name/symbol Marketeers think Consumers will like and "relate" to. Like when you really really need to go, the toilet sign makes absolute sense to you, no matter what it looks like or reads.
Brand Manager
Under paid, over worked people in suits that make "Brand" a big thing and ensure no one knows what it means or is supposed to do. Including themselves.
Insight
The thought that comes to a "Brand Manager" before anyone else on that particular day.
For e.g Gobldegokkamopholy has 18 letters. This is an insight because I thought of it first.
Consumer Oriented Approach
There's No Such Thing
Market Research
The systematic gathering, recording, analyzing, and use of data to prove what you think is right, or what others think is wrong.
Brand Strategy
A Piece of paper which has the "Brand" repeated every 3rd word in CAPS.
Market Share
Dividing the market in enough ways to prove that in any one particular part your "brand" is the only brand that is being bought therefore 100% Market Share. For E.g In a market of one room, with one chair, with one person who has one foot, your "one leg shoe brand" has 100% share.
Target Consumers
A group of individuals whom collectively, are mentioned as the people who will buy your "Brand" on a power point presentation made by a "Brand Manager". This is of course proved by "Market Research"
Hope you had a learning experience!!! Coming soon are the HR and Finance Departments!!!
Cheers
M
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