Just Emkaying: 2019

Dec 31, 2019

The One with the truth.

Dear Emkay,

Wow. A Whole year with no posts, and with the train still paused at the station.

If the end of the decade was at 2016, this year end post would be very different. With the whole world sharing how magical the decade has been, I know it's hard to stay true to what's in your mind. But it would be a terrible start if you didn't stay true to your self, and had some effing truth serum to keep it real.

Though it isn't really as bad as you'd like to make it out to be, as you've already begun to realize in the last few days. It's a small detour in the larger scheme of things, a bitter pill to get better, and as you've already planned out, get the coal in, burn that fuel, and move. At your own pace.

There's a lot to be grateful for in the past decade so to speak. But before we go there, it's important to summarize the books of text you've scribbled, into something that you can look back at anytime, and remember.

So here goes.

It's okay to be choosy. And please be really choosy on who you share your true self with, not every one can handle it, not everyone will be equally invested in it, not everyone can last the long journey of perpetuity, not everyone can climb over setbacks and misunderstanding, and most importantly not everyone deserves it and you don't either.  The one's who can, are with you, and will be smiling broadly when they see this. The other's will probably go - what the fuck happened?!

That being said, you've gone a complete 180 in the last 10 years, and that's not right either. You can't wear your heart on your sleeve, but then go sleeveless. 


As you've grown older, and ultimately more wise, a critical part is the concept of balance. Just because you invest 100%, doesn't naturally mean someone else will too, especially given that they have their own lives. It's just not how people are. So pull back a little, balance it out a little, give and take and repeat.

A parent getting disabled, the other almost going through a health issue, overly romantic and heavy whirlwind romance that ended as badly as it probably could, the could have been's and the should have been's, the regrets, a really trying time professionally, a possible life threatening accident that you escaped unscathed from. An emotional fucking mess, a complete break down of trust in people, and a lack of purpose. All in such a short time of 2 years have clouded so much good of the decade.

That's tough. And it's okay. It's an experience and it's okay to feel whatever you are feeling. But you've been here time and time again. And you're still here.

I know that you hurt the most when people you trust misunderstand you and doubt your intent, but that's okay. And you hate yourself when you completely misunderstand others and get taken for a ride. But that's the cost of being you. You must know by now that you are not easy to fathom for most people, for better or for worse.

Remember the investment rule. Balance. If they don't get you now, they probably never did anyway. Try to mend the bridge, but don't bother doing it completely by yourself, especially to a shore that doesn't exist.

Forgive, forget, and Fuck off from there. 

But it's also important to pick yourself up again. To remember & celebrate those that stood by. To get back on the airplane to that new destination, life goes on. And you must go on. To newer experiences and most probably newer heartaches, but to go on. Fucking get up man!!!

There are those that want to see you succeed. Those who call you without you telling them that you are down. Those incidences that occur when you least expect them to. The people that you love more than yourself, and you've grown far away from them - get back to them. They are special and rare. Let them know.

(The Lost Village Boys. Masti Language. Bangalore Gang. And the other's singular's. I love you.)

Emkay, there's a universe that's watching, and if you only put your heart and soul into what you choose to chase, there's no stopping you. No one ever has. And No one ever will.

"You are only limited by your own fears and inaction." - Wasn't this your motto? So be it. Turn back the time and pick up from 2016. Be the Super Attractor you were.

Live consciously.
Practice Radical Candor.
Laugh at your own jokes.
Hum and sing, abashedly.
Keep talking about things nobody gets.
Please read, please.
Find the one. About fucking time.
Do things. Just Do.

The next decade is yours. Begin well.

A wiser Emkay.