Just Emkaying: Red Alert - W.O.R.K Virus

Oct 12, 2010

Red Alert - W.O.R.K Virus

You know what am talking about. Oh Yeah. I see those heads bobbing up and down.

Well fear not. Yours truly is about to reveal the master code on bracing yourself for those monthly attacks of the deadly, the dangerous, the despicable, the (running out of "d" words) ....

Willing Oppression & Recreation Killer.

Some may recognize this also by

Without Objective or Rationale Karma - (Tough Luck)
Waste Of Reason and Knowledge - (No Brainer)
Will Obviously Realize Kaput - (No Opinions allowed)

Daily Mirror has been recently bombed with mails and letters from our fans and well wishers, warning us of this deadly Virus and asking for help. Here are some ready reckoner's

1. This is a highly contagious virus. If you know someone who's caught this virus in higher management, you better move out of their vertical/department. W.O.R.K is spread through hierarchy, and hits the people at the bottom very fast, very quickly and exponentially.  

2. People who have W.O.R.K have the tendency to share it. Stay away from WORK infected people. Seriously.

3. W.O.R.K tends to strike when you least expect it. Especially around closing hours at office. Suggest you to leave discreetly 15 min earlier. Avoid eye contact and verbal signals to anyone.

4. Researchers have identified certain traits of people effected with W.O.R.K. If you see them talking, mentioning PPT or EXCEL, chances are that they are showing early signs. If you truly want to help them, clout them on the head with something hard when they are not looking. Keep repeating till they refrain from using such words in your presence.

5. W.O.R.K can spread through E mail. Mails containing words such as "Important" "Urgent" "FYI" "Meeting" "Fwd" and "ASAP" should be directed to the spam folder. Avoid all contact with the sender of such mails, as they're probably infected already.

6. Most People have been known to catch this at conference rooms and random presentations. It is advisable to take 20 minute breaks in between every 5 minutes to ensure that you do not catch anything important, especially W.O.R.K

7. W.O.R.K is also known to be spread in the guise of RESPONSIBILITY.We suggest that you give no response to the same, or on the other hand, collapse at the mere mention of the word, and sneak out while someone calls the ambulance.

People affected with this virus have known to loose their social life very fast, not to mention being not let in to their own homes. Some have even had their pets attack them. In severe circumstances, infected people have known to have attempted suicide when separated from  their laptops/PDA's/Black Berry's

So far, we have had some break through in finding solutions to this dangerous virus. Here are a few for your safety. We recommend generous doses.

B.E.E.R - Barbaric Employment Environment Reorganizer
W.I.N.E - Work Infatuation Negating Elixir
W.H.I.S.K.Y - Wage and Hope Intensifying Surge KeyYard
G.I.N - General Interest eNergizer
V.O.D.K.A - Very Obvious Depression Killing Agent
T.E.Q.U.I.L.A - Terrorized Employee Qualification gets Unlimited Interestfree Liquor Account. (to be sponsored by well wishers, if any)

We suggest that you randomly take a few of your friends and colleagues to consume the above mentioned antidotes and remedies in generous proportions.

It is also recommended that both the receiver and sender of the virus be asked to take the remedies in continuous sessions till W.O.R.K is knocked out of their systems.

:) Keep Smiling


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