Just Emkaying: The one with the Good, the Bad and the Birthday

Feb 16, 2016

The one with the Good, the Bad and the Birthday

Look at poor old me not even wanting to eat cake but being forced to. 
I'd like to take a minute and thank you for being here and reading this. And I'm talking to all the thousands* of my weekly readers because you make my keyboard go clickety clack every Sunday evening. So Thank you.

*All 10 email subscribers, after 8 years of writing and all the beer I bribed you guys with
*Not you R, you've not even activated your email yet. You're a good for nothing, sneaky little rat. Nevamind. 

My sincere apologies for not being able to post in time this week. As you know, or might know, or now will come to know, it was my birthday on Sunday. Feb 14th,Valentine's Day. I'll give you newbies a moment to process this and go "What?! Seriously? WOW, that's amazing!"


Well I've got news for you. It's not WOW. It's not amazing. And if anything, it's borderline madness. Especially, if you've got to hide and dodge mad people calling St. Valentine an anti national, and love a "western product" that is denigrating our culture. Funny how that sounds coming from the mouth of some absolute waste product of love.

Remember the Pink Chaddi campaign? NO? Go google it. But come back. Please. 

And in a country with the second largest population in the world, and where creaky beds in the night invite more snide looks in the morning than peeing on your neighbours wall. 

But I'm digressing. The point is, being born on a special day (any special day) for that matter has no advantage whatsoever. If It's Valentine's day, think about it - first of all, if you're single (Not me, I am dating someone, she just doesn't know it yet) you're going to have a tough time with all the Louv in the air and with everyone wanting to sell you something to gift your Valentine.

Roasted Peanuts for your lady, sir? What about Samosa? 

Sir, please take rose for lady sir, beautiful sir! Please Take. Taaaaake!

Valentine's Day offer for 2 hours! Buy one get one free on all plastic chairs.

Special offer on power banks for your Valentine!!! Buy now and save big! 

Guys, If you buy a power bank for your valentine, I will assume only two things. One, she's extremely practical and really really wants a power bank. Two, you're going to turn single very, very soon. In which case, you should share this post so others can learn. 

Coming back, the other thing is that everyone who's someone with a better half, will vanish. At the last moment. After promising that they won't. 

9:00 pm 
"Dude any plans tomorrow?"
"No da, lets chill and get some beer."
"It's valentines, you both will go somewhere right?"
"No man, nothing like that"
"Fcker don't ditch last moment"
"Tina and I don't have this formality of Valentine's day and all that. Beer tomorrow sure!"

7:30 am next day
"Bro, sorry last minute change of plans, can't come. "

NEVER make plans with non-single people on Valentine's day. Never. #ProTip

Lastly, its not like there's a holiday on the day. It's not like you were born with Gandhi or Nehru that you'll be in the league of extraordinary gentlemen. You're in the league of stuff like "Wah, kya din paida hua hai" or "Kya timing hai" and so on and so forth. In school, it was extremely embarrassing because apparently there was a huge correlation between being born on the international day of love and being a chick magnet. 

In grade 4 & 5.

Of course, I can confidently say that this is absolutely rubbish true. Remind me to tell you about the dashing love letter I wrote.

Special mention to the most unique birthday which came from Dr. P on Twitter - "Go home on all fours!" she said. I must say I've never heard that one before, so Doc, congratulations on winning an all exclusive expenses paid trip to Andheri West, whenever it is that you land in Mumbai from that Oh-so-far-planet-of-Pune. 

This post was supposed to be a lot many things. A lot of philosophy, a lot about people, and so on and so forth. But then I thought, let's save some for later. 

In parting, the year to come, is going to be "Unapologetically, yours."


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