Just Emkaying: 26 and Mourning

Mar 29, 2011

26 and Mourning

When I got out of the doctors clinic today, I realized that at 26, am set for an Early retirement from life.

He made it sound very simple, a smiling "don't worry this is nothing" nod as he explained RSI to me ( and it's common these days) but I just couldn't pay attention.

It wasn't just physical ailments now and then that were bugging me, but a sense that things were getting worse. Over the last 6 months, I developed a back problem, a knee injury that returned and now repetitive stress injury. Coupled with some emotional hiccups and heartache, I am in the worst shape of my life!!!

All this while I thought I could take it. I diverted my attention to work to block out everything else, but I missed all the signals my body was giving me. Tried to hold in and hide, and ended up more irritated and frustrated.

A couple of hours of star gazing, and I see that life is no longer the same as the energetic, basketball playing dreamer that existed 3 years ago. Instead a fat, broken, workaholic face stares at me in the mirror. I have done what I always thought I would, but at what cost? Why have I let go?

Things are going to change, and the bottom line is nothing can be done about it. Fate has a way of telling you that somethings are not for you, no matter how you try to convince yourself that you deserve it. And each time, it hurts.

Probably the last couple of months have been the nails in the coffin.

The 26 year old me mourns the me of yesteryears. Where do I go from here?


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