Just Emkaying

Apr 29, 2018

ये कैसी मुश्किल आई है

ये कैसी मुश्किल  आई है
चैन से रो भी नहीं सकता
कैसे नींद आयेगी मुझे
यादें तुम्हारे रोक नहीं पाता

दील टूटा नहीं
संभल के रखा है
यह मेरी लिए नहीं
तेरे लिए धडकता है

ये कैसी मुश्किल आई है
ग़म मनाने का वक़्त नहीं
मेरी उदासी कहीं तुझे न लग जाये
इस ख्याल में हस्ता रेहता हूँ

माफ़ कर दे, गलती हम से हो गयी
क्या करें, पता ही नहीं चला
और जब पता चल गया
थो दिल चुप न रेह सखा

ये कैसी मुश्किल आई है
तेरी आहट से दिन बनती है
और तेरी परछाई से श्याम
जब थू ही नहीं, थो क्या दिन, और क्या श्याम

जानता हूँ की दिन दूर नहीं
की मेरी नज़र से नफरत हो जाएगी तुम्हे
एक नज़र से शुरू
और उसी से कथम

ये कैसी मुश्किल आई है
बीच बातों में तेरा नाम लेता हूँ
जी थो लूँगा तुम्हरे बिना
पर तेरे रुह से बंधा हूँ

ये कैसी मुश्किल आई है

(I had penned this down in 2014. It remained in my drafts for a long time, and make no mistake, I am no poet nor is my Hindi any good. But then again, it held meaning. I was rummaging through the drafts, and I thought - Why not? Grammar & Spelling corrections welcome :)

Mar 19, 2018

What happened in Dec 2017

Hey there!

Nice to see you back on the blog. I must say that I wouldn't blame you if you thought that three posts in 2017 more or less signalled the end of 10 years of this site. But, nope.

I think this post has been a while in my mind and I don't think I've debated so much about writing a post as much as this one. Some of you might have noticed my prolonged absence from Social Media till about March, and even then hardly on facebook at all. It has been a choice to silence all the noises and questions in my mind, to keep it calm and not jump at the very tempting stimulus that the online world has to offer.

After a long time, I've decided to write this as a way to overcome and accept the changes that came into my life on Dec 5th 2017, around 7 pm. My mother called me to inform me that they were rushing to the hospital as my Dad had a stroke.

Aug 13, 2017

My Mid year appraisal.

Dear M,


It's me and Columbus, in Spain
Welcome to the latest in random thoughts and mumbling from my "bored, lazy, yet determined to keep this space alive" self. It's not the first time I've been gone for long, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Hah! used clickbait headlines, but will make it up to you if you read on. Promise.

Of course make no mistake - I have long forgone the thoughts of being a consistent writer, which requires some semblance of linear thought or being adept at bringing together seemingly disjointed ideas into a interesting narrative over a period of time - (I'll let George Martin get the fame on that one) I have also come to the sad conclusion that I do not enjoy documenting my experiences on travel beyond instagram stories or photos - given probably to my fascination with the next thing I interact with, as inanimate or irrelevant may it be to most adults. Attention Deficit I think they call it.

Ooooh look a butterfly! 

For those wondering, this post took me 6 hours, 2 4 episodes of Fringe, lunch, 2 breaks, one coffee, an hour of contemplation on who really wrote history (victors or losers) and redding 100 odd pages of the Amazon book, to finish. I allow myself these liberties on weekends.

Feb 17, 2017

Inspiration: Meet Subodh Vishwakarma: from Cab to Cannes

Meet Subodh Vishwakarma from Bodhgaya. He drives an Ola by day, and I've had the luck of having him drive me to office twice in the span of one month. The first time I met him, he was clean shaven and formally dressed. He saw my guitar and began discussing music. He was a poet, wrote Ghazals and was also learning the flute, which was on the dashboard of the car. I was impressed by his aspiration and desire to achieve his dream. He had subscribed to the writers association and was looking for support to make an album of his Ghazals, sung by none other than the top Bollywood singers.

Jan 1, 2017

The Fault in our Thoughts

Fault (verb): In geology, a fault is a planar fracture or discontinuity in a volume of rock, across which there has been significant displacement as a result of rock mass movement.

Dear M,

Indulge me just a bit, in the misuse of fault in the title of the post. For that is what summarises an exceptionally amazing and unique 12 months that have passed. And as I laze around in the first few days of 2017, it is what I will need to remember for the challenges ahead.

Sometimes, it is important to put feelings and experiences into words, lest those feelings get lost in the quicksand of time. And with it, the risk of forgetting all those lessons that one should learn. History has a habit of repeating itself, and while it doesn't happen often with me, one particular chapter keeps repeating again, and again, and off late, again. However, this year I write not of just that chapter that is a recurring theme in my end of the year posts, but of everything else.

The fault in my thoughts.