Just Emkaying: January 2011

Jan 26, 2011

Snakes and Ladders

Life is a game of snakes and ladders. Strategy doesn't work. Planning doesn't work. We're fools if we think that something we do is actually making things happen. Its not Chess, Its snakes and ladders. You throw the dice anyway you want but you can never predict all the numbers right.

Hope is what drives the throw of the dice, the dice is what drives the game. Sometimes up the ladders and others down by the snake.The snakes and ladders are already there, you'll keep falling and you'll keep climbing, but you'll keep throwing that dice till its over.

I'm beginning to loose patience with these board games.


( PS : Been to 99 and back. Again.)

Jan 16, 2011

Love. Farewell.Waterfall.

"I dont' know what to do with this heart...
I don't know what to do with this heart, babe." - thought in my head as I woke from 3 back to back dreams today.

(All three dreams narrated below. Probably won't make sense to reader, but it was overwhelming to me.)


It was her final goodbye, and Rajesh was tense. In his heart he had already said goodbye, but a final sight is all he wanted. They were gathered up in a room, and she was in getting ready to leave. For some odd reason he was seriously under dressed for the occasion with a vest and shorts, apart from playing football with a blue plastic ball on the terrace parking lot of a five star hotel.

As the moment came, she came out with her luggage and her friends from the room. He sat on the edge of the bed, awaiting his turn. As she came up to him, there was a smile on her face. Rajesh got up to give her a hug, but she pushed him away. She nodded her head in disapproval and laughed. And she left.

He ran to the terrace and kicked the ball from the top to the ground floor, and then ran all the way down. He took the parking ramp, jumping mid way on every ramp. As he searched for the ball at the bottom, he got into the lobby of the hotel, and promptly the hostess stopped him. She stared at him, and asked him to leave. He walked out knowing fully well that she dint know who he was, and it dint matter anyway.


Every one Max worked with, was at the party, strange that it was in his cousins new house. Amazing house that it was, right by the river and with an awesome full fledged bar at the bottom. Strange, he never knew his cousin drank anyway.

As everyone one was having a great time, he tried desperately to get her attention and it dint make sense as to what he was doing wrong. He'd never been this frank with anyone, let alone with a girl. The moment he had laid eyes on her he knew this was going to be awesome. It was as if he got this jigsaw piece that completed his puzzle. He tried everything to catch her attention, to show her that it would be good between them.

It seemed as if she didn't notice anything at all, as if Max was another face in the crowd, although a little fun.

The huge Niagara-ish falls was now clear behind the huge broken down fort. Folklore had it that if you felt true love, you could see a Stone Carved colourful Ganesh behind the waterfall. He stood there, at the edge staring at the falls, hoping to find something that made sense to him. His small guide had left him there for some time now.

All around some people stood, widely waving their arms at people, pointing excitedly to one another. Some just stared, some were happy and some left while others came. The roar of the water was deafening. All of a sudden he found a man with a camera calling out to him. He went to him and looked at the point he was pointing at.

There was mist all around. And in seconds his benefactor was gone.

And then he saw it. A beautiful Ganesh, right in the face of the falls. It was beautiful and was Huge. As the water crashed around, he could make out the eyes looking right at him.

As it started raining, he ran. He crossed the fields, he crossed the mud paths and the fort. It kept puring harder and he kept running.


Jan 14, 2011

Marketing Terminology Fundas

After the amazingly superb and ever popular posts on Sales Fundas and Business Jargons we are back with the World Famous in Bengalooru edition of the Marketing Terminology Fundas.

(Before you go ahead, be warned. Any connection with real life working scenarios in any organisation in any country on any planet is purely coincidental (HA!!!) and not a result of the author sharing his expertise with upper management of said organisation.)

So here we go...

4P's of marketing
They no longer the P's of marketing. They're probably the F's of the other departments that end with Marketing and marketing tries to mystify it.

Any logo/name/symbol Marketeers think Consumers will like and "relate" to. Like when you really really need to go, the toilet sign makes absolute sense to you, no matter what it looks like or reads.

Brand Manager
Under paid, over worked people in suits that make "Brand" a big thing and ensure no one knows what it means or is supposed to do. Including themselves.

The thought that comes to a "Brand Manager" before anyone else on that particular day.
For e.g Gobldegokkamopholy has 18 letters. This is an insight because I thought of it first.

Consumer Oriented Approach
There's No Such Thing

Market Research
The systematic gathering, recording, analyzing, and use of data to prove what you think is right, or what others think is wrong.

Brand Strategy
A Piece of paper which has the "Brand" repeated every 3rd word in CAPS.

Market Share
Dividing the market in enough ways to prove that in any one particular part your "brand" is the only brand that is being bought therefore 100% Market Share. For E.g In a market of one room, with one chair, with one person who has one foot, your "one leg shoe brand" has 100% share.

Target Consumers
A group of individuals whom collectively, are mentioned as the people who will buy your "Brand" on a power point presentation made by a "Brand Manager". This is of course proved by "Market Research"

Hope you had a learning experience!!! Coming soon are the HR and Finance Departments!!!


Jan 13, 2011

How to choose an Auto Rickshaw

Have been experiencing the autos of Bangalore for a few days now, and I have realised that the choosing the right rickshaw plays a big part in the total amount you pay. I have taken the same route over three days, at the same time, with different autos, and ended up paying three different amounts. The third being outright robbery.
After giving this a long and serious thought of 10minutes, I have derived a brilliant way to handle these ruffians and to extract value. So, with no further delay, I present..... (Drum roll)

Choosing Autos for Dummies - MadDys handy guide list

1. The First step is to leave 15minutes early. No matter what the situation, a guy in a hurry will end up paying more. Without doubt, if you're in a hurry, the whole world will try to make money outta you.

2. Choosing an auto is about knowing where to find one. If you go to an auto stand, you will definitely have to pay the "union" rates.  Look out for the lone auto parked around the auto stand. Chances are he's not from there and he wants to get out of that area. This is the auto you need to approach

3. When not at a regular auto stand, look at the drivers hanging out. Never approach any one in the crowd if they are joking or talking to each other. They don't need the money. Look for a bored to death driver hanging out of his auto. He's the auto you need to talk to.

4. Never go for a totally new auto or a totally old one. A new one is out to clear his installments, and on an old one you're definitely paying more with the faulty lines and tampered meters. Go for the semi new, non plastered with weird stickers types.

5. Always ask for your location in the local language, and never agree to the first rate that comes out. I once had a guy ask me for Rs 100 for a one km ride, just because I asked him in Hindi.

6. Always keep alert, an auto guy who's keen to take you without talking money is a risky proposition. Either his meter is rigged or he's gonna take you for a ride.

7. Never being forced into an auto just because three or four drivers are bombarding you with words. Hold your ground and tell them to Fuck off. (Not loudly though)

8. And last but not the least, you need to have a basic idea of where your going. If you don't then even a great auto guy can't help you!!!


Jan 9, 2011

Sacrifice and Animosity.

How far would you go to get your loved one?

Someone whom you love dearly, can't be without types? Some people don't even realize how much they have sacrificed, but by the time they do, its too late. We are so blinded at times, that we do not want to accept the fact that we are pushing our likes and happiness back, hoping our loved ones would reciprocate at some point of time. Over a period of time, only one is actually trying to make things work and they end up on the receiving end.Obviously the other partner is oblivious to this as they have taken it for granted. the And that's how the classic question arises -- "You have changed". The fact is that no one changes, one just doesn't see the change that one takes to themselves, to make the other one happy.

In a relationship, sacrifice is nothing if its not reciprocated to make things work.

Have you ever met someone whom you instantly dislike? I mean its this open animosity that's so obvious behind all the standard communication gestures, like "Hi" or a handshake. It's like each is looking over the shoulder and for no reason there is this hostile atmosphere.

You just have that alarm button go off, the moment you hear their name or notice them around and no matter what you try or do, there is no way to make it go away. Some things are just that way.


Jan 7, 2011

Inner Sync

Have you had the feeling that you just know somethings gonna happen ? That moment when you expect someone to say something, and they just say it? That you were just thinking of a person and a message from them pops up on the screen? Or you can imagine someone in a particular slice of life picture, and then somewhere you actually see it? That you preempt what someone is gonna say, and then you're like how did I know that? Its like you just know it.

I have known this to happen, has happened before and its happening again. I tend to ignore it as an internal weather broadcast system.

But some times I wonder, is it something I should take seriously. Maybe its the universe trying to tell me something. Telling me to get in touch with myself. With whats really behind all the blabber, chatter, tantrums, mood swings and all that. With the me inside.

Inner Sync.


(by the way, there were 0 spelling mistakes in this spell check, so yay!!!)

Jan 3, 2011

Bahrain - Memories

A long long time ago, I used to hang around on an island called Bahrain. My point in making it look so small is because it is so small, the main island being just 55km long by 18km wide, and the rest being all teeny weeny islands. Mangalore is bigger than the country, but then that's not the point.

File:Coat of arms of Bahrain.svg

Apart from being born here, and terrorizing the cheese samosas at school, I had a deep bond with the place. Probably because leaving was not a choice that I had, it was kind of fooled into it. Some fondest memories of my life still stay in Bahrain, though am not sure I'd recognize the place if and when I go back. Place has changed, the life has changed and more importantly the people have changed.

I guess when it comes to Bahrain, am still the 12 year old. Because in my mind, the place hasn't grown up.

Schooling was fun, while I remember some names from my first school, "The Asian School" which for some strange reason was full of "Indians", and the "Indian School" which had a lot of Arabs, I must thank FB for getting in touch with most of them.

Some things I'd never forget :

1. Water Garden - Feeding Swans popcorn which they hardly ate
2. Tubli - the place had a nice ring to it!!!
3. Riffa - and the favorite shop we'd go there always before it burned down and got rebuilt. I still remember the layout of the store. Additionally this was where our first home was.
4. Marhabba Market - The first supermarket I went to!!!
5. Video Games!!! - Street fighter cards and Mortal Combat
6. Family Get togethers in Zallaq beach
7. DEcember 16th, National Day and the Fireworks.
8. Isa Town - Home Sweet Home.
9. The cab driver with a cut tongue who'd pick us and drop us home from The Indian School
10. Struggling to throw the basket ball at the hoop, only to end up playing for the district of Udupi (\m/)
11. Signing my exam papers myself, even though I got a 10/10. And then getting whooped for it :P
12. This hilarious character called Jay Gandhi. Haven't Found him yet
13. "A Fox was trotting on one day, and just above its head...." English poem in the 6th Grade
14. Collecting Vimto stickers to get that confounded robot pencil box!!!
15. "Lagori" with a tennis ball
16. Soccer with crushed Beer/Cola Cans


17. Kannada Sangha Bahrain!!!
- the teeny library which was like a punishment room
- the Kannada classes which ensured I could beg for marks in Kannada in School in India
- Soccer on the terrace!!!
- Carrying random kids around and spending on "Chakuli" ( most of these kids are grown up so names shall be shared, but I bet you know who we are talking about)
- Darts tournaments!!!
- Get togethers and "Karnatakothsava"
- And soooo many more

I guess I must be one of the few that never returned to Bahrain for a longer duration, with a return only for a quick vacation. And that was that.

I still miss Bahrain. And the national anthem still rings in my head......


Jan 2, 2011

Mad Bucket List

The Title is Mad Bucket list for the simple reason that I didn't want to name it "The" bucket list cos its not ready yet. However while am working on it, my ego likes to think that I do Mad crazy things which are cool, but in reality isn't true so bear with me.

As 2011 kicked in day before, we were discussing our bucket list at 5 am in the morning. Trying to make head or tail of things we wanted to do, we decided to have "levels" of bucket listing, in order to start with mug lists, shower lists and then finally move on to the bucket.

I thought it would be interesting to share some of our thoughts, so here they are

 - One thing D and I agreed on was to watch a movie without paying for it. But once we got into the details, we realized that the Multiplex owners probably have brains and hence devise simple "Safety" procedures (like moving out the front door) when in reality its to ensure you get OUT once the movies over.

- Dance on a table in a popular restaurant. Then we realized with our weights we'd probably break the table, hence we changed it to break a table in a popular restaurant by dancing on it.

- Learn a Musical instrument and play on a stage.

- Give free hugs on MG Road. ( I still think we should charge, but D had a valid point that its not safe for straight guys anymore)

- Drive a car that costs more than 50 lakhs. ( I thought we should take an Audi test drive, and then D came up with the idea that we buy nice suits to get the test drive, and then we decided to beg some rich industrialists driver to get a ride)

- Get a girlfriend (one for each of course)  \m/

- Attend as many rock shows in this year as possible, and keep the spirit of rock alive in our hearts \m/

- Go Fishing and keep fishing till you catch a fish.

And that's as far as we could go, before we realized that anything with high cash investments and international visits were probably not getting into this list, and then the purpose of this list was getting lost, and hence we just decided to take these into "discussion" and think about it!!!

Nonetheless, am looking forward to this "discussion" pretty soon!!!

M \m/

Intercity VOLVO chase. 2 Lives

When you have a car, 4 sleeping passengers and one freaking crazy nut who's bored to death as a driver, what you don't want to do is end up waking to a funeral. My Friend D, thinks otherwise.

We were Supposedly, on our way the Maddur coffee day cafe, and around 40km down Mysore road, we awoke after one of the CCD passed by and D was staring at the two tail lamps of a Volvo bus in front. Luckily, the driver was a softie and let us pass, and 2 minutes later we managed to wrestle the steering wheel out of D's hands. Needless to say we drove back home later in the morning (Did I mention this happened at 3am on the 1st of Jan,2011?) safely and sleepy!!!

My sincerest thanks to the kind KSRTC Bus driver who realized that a mad driver in a 1086 cc Santro trying to overtake a 6 cylinder, 7 litre VOVLO 9400 inter city bus.( Ok, I googled the cc of the bus and dint get it, so jus think BIG)


At 3:00 AM on January 2nd, atop the terrace of a Government Bank Employees Residential Quarters, me and a friend came up with the theory of 2 lives.

A lady has 2 lives. Pre Marriage and Post Marriage. Once a Lady gets married, she's steps into her second life, where like an Egyptian mummy, a select few articles get carried over to the next life. (*conditions apply) The things that get carried over are usually - parents, siblings, relatives, barbie doll, pets and necessities (GOLD, jewellery,shoes,handbag and expensive clothing) and occasionally vehicles too. Friends get carried over for a short time, but rarely does it go very long. Kill me if I am wrong.

A Guy has one life with a years break in between, during which period he gets married, wanders off, and then is back to the same life.

The sooner you realize these theories, the better!!!

M \m/

*this does not apply to the exceptional ones, a few of those that I know too. It also does not apply to those who have got offended!!!

Jan 1, 2011

A good start to 2011

I have had miserable new years. Fights, sitting at home, and sleeping early. Bottom line, did everything apart from partying.

This year, it looked absolutely the same before a good friend came in to pester me into what turned out to be a great new year's ever, my first one out, and a first for many things. To her, I say THANK YOU. It means a lot to me. ( Am not sure I mentioned it, but I think there was too much Tequila around for any of us to be taken seriously!!!)

This year has been better than the last 2, made new friends, old friends getting hitched, got a new job which doesn't have me stressed at home, made better friends, and got in and out (well kind of) of a huge romantic endeavour.

Of course there have been downs, 2 heartaches, back to back. A sense of sailing a lone ship as people around move into the next chapter of their lives. A bad back, Job changes, worries back home, and all that. What hurt most I guess was the romantic thing. This was a sure shot but I guess cupid got the wrong heart this time around.

Anyways, am very Happy. Because, I've realized, that life is not about friends,colleagues,neighbours etc. ITS ABOUT PEOPLE. ALL PEOPLE. And I love and am grateful to all the people in my life, who work with me, who drop me home, who drink with me, who consider me a good friend, who hate me, etc.

Even those that don't see me in the same light that I see them.

You make me who I am, and make life worth living.